Just because it’s Facebook, doesn’t mean it’s trite.  Without it, I would have never found out about my old co-worker passing away earlier this year.  His wife had posted a photo of his gravestone and it stared at me with a starkness that made my heart ache.  Adrianne was his name but he spelled it Adrian back then.  His nickname was Zenmaster.  He was wise beyond his years and although he was younger than me and technically I was his supervisor, I endearingly called him Kuya which means brother in my native language, Tagalog.  He was silly and funny, thoughtful and serious at times.  He held a presence that was so endearing, I couldn’t help but think of him as my brother, albeit only a work one.  I remember when he told me about his wife.  I was heading towards a divorce then, and although I was so alone,  I wasn’t too bitter to be so happy for other people falling in Love.  Even though they had known each other for years, because he was at the doorway of a very grand Love, he was excited and nervous.  So much so that he actually asked me for advise – where to take his lovely Trixy or what to get her.  His excitement and nervousness it reminded me that Love is like that.  It can shake you to the core.  It SHOULD shake you to the core if you are open and vulnerable enough which Kuya seemed to always be.  That’s the thing about vulnerability and openness, it actually takes strength.  If you are really strong, you have nothing to hide.

I’m so grateful to have known such a beautiful soul. May you rest in peace, Kuya.

I had a great conversation with a newish but close friend today and like all conversations with her, it jumped started my creative muscle and instantly ideas spawned ideas and old ideas were happily welcomed as they resurfaced like some long ago pair of beloved shoes forgotten in the back of the closet.  I love that feeling – of connection, synergy, the energy of creativity and desire of something to be born.  I also realized how long it had been since I had written or done something creative on a regular basis since my 365 project.

I also told her about something that most people don’t know about me which seems to have gotten stronger.  I cry when I feel a connection with another human being and their love for something, anything – their family, their kids, their passions.  When I talk to people and they are openly honest, something happens that I cannot seem to control.  My heart opens and the tear duct floodgates open.  This usually comes with feelings of embarrassment.  I try to hide it and am grateful when I have a pair of sunnies on or are turned away from that person.  It even happens on the phone!  Seriously.  There isn’t even an emotional or mental connection about it.  I don’t have recollections of anything.  It kind of … just. happens.  Am I alone in this?

Then I thought about why I haven’t written on any of my numerous blogs.  Why I haven’t unmasked myself by letting the zeros and ones fling themselves out into the ether to make it known to particularly no one: We are all alone, together and to me, this is so beautiful, it makes me cry.

Consider this my way of resurrect (on this blog) the way I used to write in my old blog, LaughingRhoda- a journal of sorts, musings and tidbits of things that remind me of how incredibly amazing it is to be alive and to *feel* something, anything.

This piece certainly made my heart sing and so grateful to be alive:

The Four Femmes Booth

For the last 3 days we have been at the Community Festival which happens every year in Columbus, Ohio.  This year we took part by having a booth as a newly formed creative collaborative group called Four Femmes. We did very well, especially for our very first appearance as an all creative, all cooperating, all handmade, all femme alliance!  We had lots of inquiries as to where our local store was so perhaps this will grow into a brick and mortar venture.  Meanwhile, I will updating my much needed Etsy shop with the new stuff we’ve been working on.  My hubby, a former Coast Guard sailor, has been inspired and pulled into the handcrafted world and has made some amazing rope jewelry which sold out!

Check out that craftsmanship!

This is it.  This is the end my friend :-).  I had this bean for over a year.  I bought it for my husband before we moved across the country together.  The other side says “The Best”.  The bean is pretty symbolic to me because it was a tremendous growth process to push myself through this and having done so sows a seed within.

I am under strict orders to rest before I tackle on another project.  I think 2011 is going to be about balancing and relaxing so whatever creative project I take on will be a little less rigorous. It feels so good to have it done though!  It’s quite an accomplishment and I have to say I’m pretty proud of myself for not giving up when I wanted to so many times.  I beat myself up a few times too when photos were not “good enough” but that’s just silly.

I leave you for now with a quote that sums up the “no regrets” contentment I feel when putting this baby to bed.

"The last suit that you wear, you don't need any pockets." ~Wayne Dyer

Dreams
by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

It’s snowing heaps! Although I would have loved to do a photo shoot outdoors in all that beautiful white fluffiness, it’s too dark for my literally taped together camera that has survived more than this 365 project!  Tulle will have to do and so here you have it, today’s photo…

“If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.” ~Albert Einstein

That means Happy Birthday in Tagalog.  Today I celebrate the birth of two people who have brought light into my life: my wonderful sister (but she is so much more that that!), Josephine, who brings laughter and overall lightness to my life and to guruji Paramahansa Yogananda, the Author of Autobiography of a Yogi (but he is so much more than that!) who has brought enlightenment to my life.

Happy Birthday!!!  Thank you for being in my world and letting me be a part of yours.  I love you.

I didn’t have a cake but I did have popcorn so I worked with what I had!  It’s kettle corn, the kind that my sister and I indulged in during our walks through the Westwood Farmer’s Market every Thursday when we both worked at UCLA.  I miss those days.  That’s the thing with time, like popcorn, it slips through your fingers so quickly (and hopefully into your mouth!), therefore we must indulge in it before it’s all gone!

Maligayang Kaarawan!

“For you to see a rainbow, the sun always has to be behind you and you must be facing an area of rainfall with the sun at your back.”
~Brent McRoberts of Texas A&M University

Did you know this?  I didn’t either.  Pretty cool when read with metaphoRmulaic eyes!

The quote below (via endofmarch) I read the other day and fell in love with.  Seemingly it has not much to do with where I’m going with this rainbow thing but if you understand where I’m going metaphoRically then you know.  You know how to see rainbows (where other only see rainfall).  In which case, I know you live a magical life :-)

It broke my heart in all right places, and then mended it with golden thread.I put feathers in the spaces left. Now my heart is like a magpie's nest.Full of treasures and secrets.Glittering in the sunlight.

Another resolution: Stay present, live now.

One of my resolutions: Let more light in.

"I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they needed constant attention and one day I decided I had better things to do." ~Dark Garden by storypeople